+++++TOP SECRET++PLANET ALBION BOARD ONLY+++++
+++++NONE OF THE FOLLOWING NEVER HAPPENED+++++
Close to midday yesterday, a sudden silence did NOT fall over the Industrial Court. There was NOT a catastrophic failure of the audio system, which NEVER leads to the cancellation of the Wittle Workers World protective chant. NO such chant is needed to soothe the Great Black Dog.
The only team of Albioneers present in the facility was NOT a team of cleaners lead by Albioneer Kelly. They NEVER reported how the body of a Happy Visitor was discovered in the Sheffield Steel section. Examination of the body did NOT reveal blunt trauma to the skull of the Happy Visitor. Albioneer Kelly NEVER disposed of the corpse according to standard handbook procedure, so she will NOT receive a commendation on her service record.
Further investigation by the team did NOT lead to Bob SteelTM being found with a bloodied hammer. Bob SteelTM was NEVER reported as demanding more heads to smash. The cleaning team were NOT forced to physically assault Bob SteelTM , NOR was Albioneer Gary required to calm down the automaton so that it turned itself off.
The cleaning team were NOT summoned to meet Loyal Albioneer John Blake, NOR were they assigned supplementary duties to collect additional items to reinstate the Wittle Workers World protective chant. Thus, they were NEVER sent back through the maze filled with terrified Happy Visitors.
Albioneer Rael did NOT insist he could find a quick route through the maze. Thus, he NEVER found himself attacked by Isambard Kingdom Brunel. The remainder of Albioneer Kelly’s team NEVER rammed the automaton with their Planet Albion golf cart, which is NOT undergoing extensive repairs by the maintenance team. Thus, there was NO reason whatsoever for Albioneer Archie to steal Isambard Kingdom Brunel’s top hat.
NOR were the team required to collect a hammer from the deactivated Bob SteelTM who was NOT left in a furnace. Likewise, there was NO reason for the team to trick Sir Douglas Bader out of his flying goggles. The sudden appearance of a low-flying Messerschmitt Bf 109E in the midst of the Supermarine Assembly Line section was NEVER the result of a blessing of the Great Black Dog invoked by Albioneer Archie. ALL PRAISE THE GREAT BLACK DOG!
Finally, the cleaning team were NOWHERE near the explosion in the NeoCain Robotic Chemical Works display. A vial of chemicals was NOT the final component to Loyal Albioneer John Blake’s ritual. Albioneer Rael is NOT receiving treatment for chemical burns. NOR did Albioneer Crowley risk her personal safety to retrieve the essential vial.
The Wittle Workers World protective chant was NOT restored to the Industrial Court, calming the spirit of the Great Black Dog once more.
The Songs of Ulubrae are the session summaries from the Shadows of Ulubrae story arc in my Tales of the Hero Wars campaign. Planet Albion is part of a Halloween interlude using The Happiest Apocalypse on Earth.